Yes yes. Wave at the camera.
Now gather your ingredients! You'll need...
6 ounces butter, 12 ounces flour, a chunk of cheese, baking powder, salt, pepper, milk.
The manky apple is not required.
Put the butter in a bowl. Sieve in flour, a teaspoon of baking powder and a pinch of salt. Mix through the pepper.
Pre-breadcrumb stage. At this point, I threw it in the food processor.
Plink had not yet irritated me enough to meet a similar fate...
Rub the butter into the flour until it looks like breadcrumbs. If you're lazy, like my human, you can whizz this step up in a food processor.
Now grate your cheese and stir through the mixture. You could add some more exciting ingredients at this point if you like! Cheese and ham works well. Cheese and Jellybabies is less of a success.
Do be careful with that. No nylon in the food.
Carefully settle yourself out of falling-into-the-bowl distance whilst your human adds enough milk to bring the mixture together and make a dough. Remind them several times not to over-knead this; it's not bread, you know! Press the dough into a round and get ready to roll out.
Rollin' rollin' rollin'
Cut out your scones; I like to use a tumbler for this, because my human is too cheap to buy proper metal biscuit cutters.
Apparently, I blurred the 'main photographic focus'. Diva.
Ask them nicely to put the scones AND NOT YOU in the oven for 15-20 minutes, until they're a little brown on the top and sound hollow when tapped on the bottom. Poking your human repeatedly in the head and asking if they're cooked yet is a great way to ensure they don't wander off and do something else in the meantime.
I wonder if she'd fit *in* the kettle?
Admire your work. Have a nice cup of tea. Dream about your TV show/cookery book offer that's inevitably just around the corner. Chastise your human."
*I WILL get around to teaching her some manners, honest.